Wondering if you can truly become a local when moving abroad? Here’s why that goal might not be as helpful as you think—and what to focus on instead to feel at home in your new country.

If I had a euro for every time a client told me they wanted to become a local, I’d probably be sipping espresso on a balcony somewhere.

It’s a common wish: to fit in, blend with the culture, speak the language, adopt the customs, and just feel like you belong. I get it. That desire is very human. But here’s the thing I often say—sometimes out loud, sometimes only in my head:

You can’t truly become what you’re not.

Sure, you can integrate beautifully, speak fluently, and respect the local way of life. But you won’t become a local. And honestly? That’s not a bad thing.

When I dig a little deeper and ask, “What does becoming a local mean to you?” the answer is almost always about belonging.

People want to feel accepted. They don’t want to stand out. Some feel like locals get more respect, while foreigners are often seen as outsiders. So what they’re really craving is to feel “normal” in their new environment.

That’s completely valid—but trying to achieve it by becoming someone you’re not? That’s a recipe for frustration.

The truth is, belonging isn’t about how well you follow local customs. It goes deeper than that. Belonging comes from a connection—often unspoken—with the people around you. And that connection usually grows out of shared values, not shared habits.

This is where things can get tricky. You might discover that the things you care about deeply just aren’t as important in your new country. That realization can shake your idea of what living abroad would feel like. Sometimes it’s just a crack. Other times, the whole illusion shatters.

Here’s something I remind my clients often: we all have expectations when we move abroad. Even the people who swear they don’t.

(“I have no expectations!”... Yep. That’s an expectation.)

And let’s be real—reality rarely lives up to what we imagined. That doesn’t mean it’s worse. Just different. Your version of “becoming a local” might not look anything like how that actually plays out in real life.

Before we chase this elusive identity, it’s worth asking: What does being a local really mean?

Here’s where it gets interesting. Our brains love shortcuts. There’s even a name for it—out-group homogeneity bias—which basically means we tend to lump everyone who isn’t “us” into one big category.

So when we say things like “All Italians are like this,” or “Everyone in Portugal does that,” it’s that mental shortcut talking. In reality, locals aren’t one big homogenous group. They’re just as varied and complex as any other group of people—including expats.

Now, here’s where things get more empowering.

Instead of trying to become a local, I encourage you to create your own culture.

I call it cherry picking—and I’ve been doing it for years, long before I had a name for it. When I was working on my master’s in intercultural psychology, I finally found the words to describe what I’d been doing all along.

I take the habits, values, and customs I love from each country I’ve lived in—and I leave the rest. I create a lifestyle that feels right to me. One that reflects who I am and what I care about, no matter where I’m living.

And guess what? That’s where the real sense of belonging comes from. Not from fitting in, but from living in alignment with your values.

If you’ve been struggling to feel like you belong, or wondering why it all feels harder than you expected—you’re not alone. So many people try to fit in so hard, they end up losing parts of themselves. And when it doesn’t work, they start to question everything.

“Maybe this country isn’t for me.”
“Maybe I made a mistake.”
“Maybe I’ll never feel at home.”

But what if the real issue isn’t the country—it’s the expectation?

If this resonated with you, I have a free resource that can help:
Download my free ebook: Move Overseas with Ease

In it, I dive deeper into strategies for adjusting to a new country in a way that’s authentic and empowering—on your terms.

Moving abroad is more than just packing boxes and managing logistics; it’s an emotional journey that requires careful planning and self-awareness. I’ve lived in six different countries over more than 40 years. I’ve also helped hundreds of people plan a move abroad in my courses, workshops, coaching programs and the Expat Journey Program.

I’ve collected the three most common tips that have helped countless people, just like you, planning a move abroad and doing their best to get everything right.

While you’re probably already thinking about the practical aspects like visas and housing, as these issues often take center stage, addressing the emotional and social challenges is equally crucial. 

Here are three lesser-known tips to help you prepare for your international relocation and make the transition smoother.

When preparing to leave, saying goodbye to family and friends is obvious, but have you thought about saying goodbye to places and objects as well? 

Certain locations, such as your favorite coffee shop, a local park, or a cherished restaurant, likely hold special memories. Revisiting these places before you leave can create a sense of closure and allow you to savor those moments one last time.

Closure can be as simple as taking a photo, having a “final visit,” or quietly reflecting on the memories tied to the location. These rituals help you transition emotionally and prepare for the new phase of life ahead. This step isn’t just about nostalgia—it’s about acknowledging the significance of what you’re leaving behind so you can fully embrace what’s to come.

Starting from scratch socially is one of the biggest challenges of moving abroad. Building a new social network takes time, effort, and patience. To ease this transition, start connecting with people in your destination before you even leave. Use social media groups, expat forums, or local community apps to find potential contacts.

Set a goal to arrange three to five meet-ups—such as coffee or lunch dates—for your first two weeks in your new home. 

Having these initial connections will give you something to look forward to and provide opportunities to ask questions, get local advice, and feel less isolated during the early stages of settling in. This proactive approach helps turn an overwhelming adjustment period into a more positive and engaging experience.

If you are moving with kids, make connections on their behalf and help them make their own. Have playdates and activities set so you can start your journey abroad with the support of like-minded people.

If you’re moving to a country where you don’t speak the language, this can quickly become a source of frustration. Initially, being unable to communicate might feel manageable, especially if you’re still in “tourist mode.” 

Once the “honeymoon” is over and you establish routines and face practical challenges, the inability to understand or be understood can lead to cultural shock.

Start learning the language before you arrive, even if it’s just basic phrases like “please,” “thank you,” or “where is…?” Beyond memorizing vocabulary, focus on defining what you need the language for. 

Are you aiming to handle daily tasks like grocery shopping or commuting, or do you need a higher level of proficiency for work or school? Tailor your learning approach to your specific needs.

By understanding your goals and how you learn best, you can make significant progress and feel more confident communicating in your new environment.

These three tips—saying goodbye to places and objects, building connections early, and preparing for the language barrier—highlight the emotional and social dimensions of moving abroad. A successful relocation isn’t just about ticking off logistical checklists; it’s about ensuring your emotional well-being and fostering meaningful connections in your new home.

Looking for more support on your move and life abroad? Download my free ebook, Move Overseas with Ease, for real-life tips and advice to help you prepare for your transition and adjust to life abroad. Get it here: www.deborahdahab.com/freeresources

Timing is a crucial factor when planning a move abroad. With so many considerations to juggle—schools, finances, visas, and personal goals—it can feel overwhelming to pinpoint the right moment to make the leap. 

We tend to delegate our timing decisions to outside factors, such as selling the house, getting the visa approval or when the kids go off to college. But it’s important to set a target date to guide your goals and tasks, even if you need to tweak it along the way.

Here are some key factors to consider to help you make a well-timed and strategic decision.

If you’re moving with school-aged children, their education will likely play a significant role in your timing. Research the school calendar in your destination country, as academic years vary by hemisphere and even between neighboring countries. For example, schools in Europe may start in late August or mid-September. Additionally:

• Check enrollment deadlines and waiting lists for schools.
• Understand the differences between public and private schooling.
• Factor in tuition payments if private schooling is part of your plan.

Being informed about the educational landscape will help you avoid surprises and ensure a smoother transition for your family.

Since we mentioned school tuitions, accessing your financial readiness is essential for a successful move. 

Moving abroad can come with significant upfront costs, from visas to housing, and, in many cases, private school tuition. If you’re moving with a company, many of these expenses may be covered, but if you’re relocating independently, take time to:

• Evaluate your savings.
• Create a realistic budget for the move and initial months abroad.
• Consider potential financial requirements for visa applications.
• Factor in exchange rate fluctuations 
• Access tax obligations in your current and new country

Understanding your financial situation helps you determine whether the timing is right or if you need more preparation.

If your move requires a visa, researching the application process and timelines is essential. Visa requirements often include financial proofs, documents, and waiting periods that vary significantly depending on the country and visa type. Key questions to consider include:

• What are the application requirements?
• How long does it take to process the visa?
• Can your spouse or partner work under the visa?

Having a clear picture of the visa process allows you to set realistic expectations and plan accordingly.

To create a clear timeline, begin by pinpointing an ideal move date. While external factors like visas and finances may influence the actual timing, having a target date provides focus and direction. With this in mind, reverse-engineer your timeline by working backward:

• What tasks need to be completed before the move?
• How long will each step take?
• What are the earliest dates you can finalize key components like housing, schooling, or job arrangements?

This approach helps turn a chaotic process into a systematic plan, making your move more manageable.

Practical considerations are important, but don’t forget the big picture. Reflect on whether this move aligns with your long-term goals for yourself and your family. Ask yourself:

• Does this relocation support our personal and professional aspirations?
• Is the timing right in terms of our current life stage and future plans?

When your move aligns with your broader goals, you’ll feel more confident and motivated to make it happen.

By taking the time to research, plan, and reflect, you can set yourself up for a smoother and more fulfilling transition abroad. Remember, timing isn’t just about logistics—it’s about making the move when you and your family are ready emotionally, financially, and practically.

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Moving abroad is a life-changing decision that touches every aspect of your life. As I say in my workshops and classes, every single thing will change – the air you breathe, the food you eat and everything in between.

For sure, it’s exciting, challenging, and transformative—but how you navigate this journey depends largely on your personal values. These deeply held beliefs serve as a compass, guiding your decisions and shaping your cultural adjustment. Understanding your values before you move can make your experience more fulfilling and aligned with your true self.

Values are the principles that guide your life. They influence how you make decisions, prioritize goals, and evaluate what matters most. Examples include:

• Stability vs. excitement
• Family vs. adventure
• Financial security vs. a nature-based lifestyle

Most people aren’t fully conscious of their values, even though they influence their actions. Taking the time to identify and reflect on your values makes decision-making clearer, especially when faced with significant choices like relocating to another country.

Your values act as an internal compass, helping you choose paths that align with your priorities. For instance:

• If family is a top value, a job offer that takes you far from loved ones might be difficult to accept. If you do decide to move, you’ll likely find ways to maintain those family connections, such as frequent visits or hosting relatives.
• If adventure and excitement rank higher, you might prioritize exploring new cultures over staying close to home. This could lead you to embrace the challenges of starting fresh in an unfamiliar environment.

There’s no right or wrong set of values—what matters is that you understand your priorities and how they influence your decisions. Values also may change with time. When you are younger and adventure and excitement be a priority. The older you get, and maybe with family and children, family and stability might replace the adventure seeking decisions.

Your values also play a critical role in how you adapt to a new culture. For example:

• If you value a nature-focused lifestyle, you might choose a location with access to parks or hiking trails and select housing that connects you with the outdoors.
• If financial security is important, you may prioritize affordability and budget-conscious choices when selecting a city or neighborhood.

Being aware of your values ensures that your decisions align with what truly matters, making it easier to feel at home in a new environment.

To uncover your core values, reflect on past decisions and experiences. Ask yourself:

1. What has driven my major life decisions?
2. Which choices left me feeling fulfilled, and which didn’t?
3. How did those decisions affect my relationships, career, and well-being?

Once you’ve identified your values, rank them to understand what holds the most weight. Then, determine your non-negotiables—those aspects of life you absolutely need to honor, even when moving abroad.

For example:

• If family is a top value, a non-negotiable might be the ability to visit loved ones at least twice a year.
• If adventure is key, you might prioritize opportunities to travel or explore multiple destinations from your new home base.

Aligning your life abroad with your values can lead to greater happiness and ease during the transition.

When your choices reflect what you care about most, you’re more likely to feel grounded, purposeful, and satisfied. This doesn’t mean every decision will be easy, but having clarity on your values provides a framework to navigate even the toughest choices.

Get your FREE Move Overseas with Ease Ebook – your step-by-step guide to a stress-free move: www.deborahdahab.com/freeresources

Moving abroad is an exciting step toward a new chapter in life, but let’s be honest—dealing with the paperwork can be a headache. This is actually one of the tasks that I procrastinate, and I know I’m not alone!

From visas and tax documents to medical records and school transcripts, the administrative side of relocating can feel like a never-ending to-do list. However, with the right strategy, you can navigate this process smoothly and with minimal stress.

The key to handling paperwork efficiently is organization. Instead of seeing it as one overwhelming task, break it down into manageable steps.

One of the biggest mistakes people make when preparing for life abroad is approaching paperwork as one massive, intimidating task. Instead, break it down into manageable categories:

• Health Records: Includes medical and dental records for all family members (including pets), vaccination certificates, and prescriptions. If you have pets, remember to include their information and paperwork as well.
• Insurance Policies: Research which of your current policies apply internationally, and note any cancellation deadlines. 
• Personal Identification: Make sure passports, national IDs, driver’s licenses, and social security documents are up to date. Remember to make copies and digitalize everything.
• Education Records: If you or your children will be studying abroad, gather transcripts, diplomas, and any required school transfer documents. Make sure to get documents translated if necessary.
• Financial & Tax Documents: Collect tax returns, bank statements, and research tax obligations in your new country.
• Real Estate & Legal Papers: If you own property, keep records of deeds, rental agreements, and any necessary legal documentation.

By sorting documents into clear categories, you’ll know exactly what you need and avoid last-minute panic.

Once everything is categorized, setting a timeline is the next crucial step. Assign deadlines to each category and work on them in two-week increments. 

This timeframe is long enough to make progress but short enough to maintain momentum. If your move is happening within a year, you can take a more gradual approach. However, if your relocation is imminent, prioritize time-sensitive documents like visa applications and legal paperwork.

• Start by listing all the categories that apply to you.

• Set a two-week goal for completing the paperwork for one or two categories at a time.

If you’re moving within a year, take a slower approach. If your move is imminent, prioritize time-sensitive documents like visas and legal paperwork.

Make sure to involve other family members in the organization of documents so they know what is available and where to find the paperwork if they need to access it.

When researching requirements, always verify information from official sources such as government websites, embassies, and immigration offices. Visa rules and tax regulations can change frequently, and relying on outdated blog posts or forum discussions might lead to misinformation. If language barriers make it difficult to access the necessary details, tools like Google Translate can help you navigate official websites.

Even with careful planning, dealing with foreign bureaucracy can be challenging. If you find yourself feeling lost in a sea of regulations, consider hiring a relocation expert or an immigration attorney. 

Many people assume this is an unnecessary expense or excessively expensive but professional guidance can save time, prevent costly mistakes, and provide peace of mind.

By categorizing documents, setting realistic deadlines, and seeking professional help when needed, you’ll simplify one of the most stressful parts of moving abroad. With these strategies in place, you can focus on the exciting aspects of your journey—exploring new places, meeting new people, and creating a fulfilling life abroad.

Get your FREE Move Overseas with Ease Ebook – your step-by-step guide to a stress-free move: www.deborahdahab.com/freeresources